Lessons of a Lifetime

Brown​/​White. Catholic​/​Lutheran. Democrat​/​Republican. Trinidad Junior College​/​Colorado School of Mines. Introvert​/​Extrovert.

These are the juxtapositions of the people who began the process of molding me. What does a girl from these contrasting parents, who grew up in Pueblo, become as an adult? An English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESL) teacher on the plains of Northeastern Colorado, of course. Diversity was in my blood and there was no escape. At first that was just a fact. Now, it’s the unimaginable.

I spent my early college years getting a bachelor’s degree in English with an Area of Emphasis in Spanish and a Minor in Secondary Education. My dream was to teach Shakespeare and Dante to the eager young minds of high school students. I took Spanish classes in college only because I was looking for something easy that I could put on a job application. Little did I know what lay ahead.

After graduation the fates had different ideas. I was hired on August 31, 1992 at Fort Morgan High School in Fort Morgan, Colorado — the day before school started — to teach Spanish 1 and something called ESL. I had no idea what it was. I only knew the job I had applied for was posted as a position split between Spanish and English.

I had never realized there were students with little to no English in American schools, but I feel like I should have. I was from Pueblo; I had attended East High School. I was used to diversity as it was the foundation of both me and Pueblo. At that time, I thought diversity was something different. I was in the same college prep classes with the same classmates all through school. Our top ten students consisted of two girls who were originally from India, an Asian-American girl, a Hispanic girl, and the expected mix of White boys and girls. I thought we were diverse, but really, we were not. We might have looked different, but our mindsets were all the same: of being driven, goal focused, and not having to work through or around any kinds of barriers. The only times we saw “different” kids were in the required classes of Physical Education (P.E.) and American Government. It was in those classes that I saw kids struggling to know what to do. Looking back, I can see those students were probably English Language Learners (ELLs) before they were named as ELLs. This is why my unfortunate students had to learn from such a naïve and clueless first year teacher.

Getting Started/Musical Chairs

In my new job, the first bucket of cold water in my face was discovering that I would not have my own classroom. That was OK. The real shock was the location of my class: the teachers’ lunchroom, right off the cafeteria kitchen.

For those not familiar with the experiences of many ESL teachers, this sounds like I must be kidding. I’m not. The sad reality is that for many teachers who work with immigrant and refugee students in modern public school systems, conditions such as this are neither novel nor unusual. Storage rooms, closet areas, cubbies, and trailers away from the main building are typical classroom settings for students coming from culturally and linguistically “different” backgrounds.

Thankfully I only had to endure the sounds and smells of the kitchen for a few months. I was then moved to the choir room for three hours in the morning and then on to three different classrooms for teaching Spanish I in the afternoon. This was a step up! My students had the straight back plastic choir chairs to sit on and their legs to balance notebooks on. We were no longer separate, but we definitely did not feel equal.

However, things continued to improve. I spotted discarded folding chairs with attached folding desk arms under the library walkway. One day my students and I formed a parade. We went across the high school, down the stairs, and outside, then picked out the least rickety “desks” and made an about face to the choir room. Of course, we made sure to be quiet because students were working in the classrooms along the parade route. I was also gifted a free-standing chalkboard to drag across the music room at the beginning and end of my instructional time. By Spring Break, we got our first classroom materials. The Oxford Picture Dictionary arrived! What a blessing! I was able to teach something more than the alphabet and letter sounds.

I went back and forth, shuttling them between teaching the alphabet and how to write a five-paragraph essay. It sounds psychotic, but that was the variety of English proficiency levels that were put together for three hours a day. If students had no English or a strong accent, they were put into my ESL class.

Luckily, that situation only lasted two years. By my third year, the principal and I had agreed that the students needed to be organized into language proficiency groups. I was fortunate to have a principal who learned and grew in the area of ESL with me. He wanted me to do a great job with and for my students. He encouraged me to attend professional conferences and to visit other high schools to see their programs. He said he wanted me to develop an ESL program that would have other schools wanting to come see what we did. Ultimately, we did. We may not have seen eye to eye on many issues involving my students, but I will always remember and appreciate his support for me to develop and grow a strong English as a Second Language program.

With this backing, I was changed from a part-time to a full-time ESL teacher. I had three levels that I worked with for two hours each. I was still in the choir room, but now I also had two computers and a printer that I pushed across the school to the elevator, and around hallways on a merry-go-ground of classrooms. And that is how my first five years went. I taught ESL 1, ESL 2, and ESL 3.

By year six enough teachers had retired and more rooms had been added so my principal could grant me a full-time classroom with actual desks. I was two doors from the main office and nurse’s office. Restrooms, a water fountain, and the lockers assigned to most of my students were right outside my door. We had arrived! In the midst of all of that, I worked to receive my master’s degree in Educating Culturally and Linguistically Diverse Populations. What a whirlwind!

Cultural Competency

There have been many times other teachers have not given a second thought about making smart comments about the content of my ESL classes. Basic vocabulary is an easy target for teachers to “attack”. As an example, I remember teaching a lesson on American Christmas culture. I was making copies of pictures for vocabulary of items such as Santa, a sleigh, a wreath, and Christmas cards. “What a cute lesson that is! It looks like much more fun than what I work with! How cute!” It took everything to not answer back, asking if they could give me quality sentences using the vocabulary in another language. I could have responded in Spanish, really leaving them with something to ponder. I have had to learn to be more diplomatic and to breathe deeply before answering. I still have not mastered control of my eye-rolling, however. That might require another twenty-nine years of practice.

I hope that with patience and diplomacy, maybe other teachers will start to understand what ESL entails! Just understanding more of the hows and whys involved in language learning and teaching would greatly reduce frustration on both sides of the desk. So many teachers put a lot of time and attention in creating their lessons. They become frustrated when that preparation is not understood by their students. Students become frustrated not understanding what is given to them to learn. If teachers took the time to implement ESL strategies into instruction, life would be much less stressful and more productive for everyone in the classroom.

Also, just think how much our schools could gain by learning from our families and how much better we could do our jobs if we took the time to form relationships with them. It is frustrating for me to hear a teacher say, “We had a meeting with the mother about my student, but the mom was not interested. She showed nothing in terms of wanting to be involved in the meeting or how we plan to help her student.” Did the teacher even think that the mother who was sitting at the table possibly had not gone to school in her home country? She also did not speak English and Spanish was a limited second language, even though a Spanish translator was provided for the meeting. How much more beneficial could it have been for the teacher to take the time to learn about the home life of the girl to better understand how to help the student and how to make the mother feel comfortable at the meeting, an important part of the equation to help her daughter?

In another instance, the school office called to find out why a student was not coming to school. Through a translator the parent said she understood her child was missing school and would address the situation. After more absences and phone calls the office finally had the translator tell the parent that they could be taken to court if the student did not come to school. This was the point at which I became aware of the situation.

I then asked a friend to make a home visit. Importantly, this friend was active with family support in the community and had built a relationship of trust with this family already. My friend found out that something happened that the student wouldn’t tell the parents about. The parents also appeared to be in need of counseling or support of some kind. How much differently could the situation have been handled by talking with the family to understand instead of at the family as to why the student did not want to come to school? Why take it to the level of threatening the parent with court?

Our schools have people in the position of liaison, but these people never receive training on how to work with families. It is also difficult to have one person assigned to three schools as the liaison for all of them. What kind of relationship building has a chance with that kind of superficial attempt of the position? It would be incredibly powerful to have district staff trained in family outreach and for people in education to understand how much better we could all be with that outreach.

Walking the Line

With so many difficulties and struggles in the world of ESL, a person can easily become disillusioned, even depressed. The ESL teacher holds a unique position in both the school and in the immigrant/refugee communities. On the teacher/professional side, I have struggled to walk the thin line as advocate for my students and being a district employee. Learning to be strong and flexible at the same time has been a daily exercise.

Other than teachers sharing derogatory comments to and about my students, another challenge is being a shoulder for students to confide in and lean on. I am, and will forever be, humbled and in awe of what my kids and their families go through and overcome. The stories are all different, but painful.

One of my families joined the father and eldest son in California after the two of them had walked from Guatemala to the states, found jobs, and earned enough money to bring the rest of the family to join them.

Another common situation was that of one of my tenth-grade girls and her younger brother who lived with their dad. The dad found a woman and moved her in. The woman already had three children of her own, so she cooked, cleaned, did laundry and cared for her three and her new man. My student had to go home after a day of school and take care of all those jobs for her brother and herself. She was exhausted taking on a full-time “mom” position for her brother and being a student. She ended up moving in with a man who let her bring her brother. She dropped out of school and any element of youth ended.

I had another student whose mother had left the family in Guatemala. This young man came to Colorado, enrolled in school, and got a job. He was fifteen doing the job of two people. He paid back the uncle who paid for him to come to Fort Morgan and then worked to pay for his own rent and living necessities, all the while saving money to bring his two younger brothers from Guatemala to live with him. Once they arrived, he continued with school and worked, supporting all three of them.

One of my students from Kenya told me about his life before going to a refugee camp. He told me about having to miss most of a day of school because he encountered a lion on his way there. He ran and spent the day in a tree. By the time the lion lost interest and left, he arrived at school just before it ended. His teacher beat him with a rod. Then, when he got home, he was beaten again for missing school.

I have listened to countless life stories like these over the years. Some situations have been easier and some have been more difficult. I have gone home day after day completely exhausted, drained physically and emotionally. You could not imagine my relief when I found out my feelings were not uncommon for ESL teachers. I discovered this when I attended a session on Post Traumatic Stress at a conference for the Colorado Teachers of English for Speakers of Other Languages (CoTESOL). I expected to learn how to better support my students. Not only did I learn helpful strategies for them, but I also learned why I struggled with many symptoms of depression. I learned that my students experienced symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress. I also learned that often, ESL teachers experience secondary PTSD. The presenters explained that as teachers, we carry feelings connected to the difficult life situations our students have experienced and shared. We experience sympathy, empathy, anger, sadness, guilt, and other feelings. As teachers we want to help our students and struggle because we feel powerless. The presenter explained to us the importance of understanding that we do not have to solve everything. That we are enough and what we give our kids in class by listening to them, supporting them, cheering them on, and believing in them is more valuable than we can imagine. Of all the classes I have taken in my life, that session at my CoTESOL conference has been among the most positive and beneficial, helping me to be both a better teacher and a better me.

Besides wanting my students to learn English, American culture, and school content, I want them to be strong and independent individuals. I want them to have the confidence to move forward and keep learning to be the best they can be. I have tried to teach them through lessons in American history and various literature the power of an individual who has vision and drive. An extra special opportunity we were able to participate in was traveling to Washington D.C. with the Close Up organization. After my first year of teaching, I was extremely fortunate to have had the local BOCES (Board of Cooperative Educational Services) ask me to take a group of migrant students to Washington with a Close Up for New Americans program. In my 23 years of teaching at the high school I was able to take five groups of kids to D.C. The week each group spent there was life-changing for almost every student.

Through the New Americans program, my students were able to meet other high school students who were in the process of learning English and about their places in their new country. We met kids who had come from schools in Florida, Texas, Oregon, California, North Dakota, Nebraska, Illinois, and American Samoa. When the kids came together, they learned about the immigration experiences of kids who had come from nearly one hundred different home countries. The program taught the students about how the branches of American government work, the process for bills to become law, and the power of an individual to be a force for change by participating in a mock election and visiting community non-profit services such as food banks and homeless shelters. We visited monuments and met Senators and Representatives from our state. Kids who were scared and nervous when they started the trip came home filled with the power of experience and knowledge.

Interrupted

Even though my students were progressing and succeeding with their English and academics and participating in sports and clubs, I was moved from the high school after 23 years to our Migrant Education New Comers Academy in its final year, and then moved to an elementary school. There was nothing in my life that had prepared me for working with elementary aged students. My initial teaching certification was for Secondary English/Language Arts. My Master’s Degree is for grades K-12, since language acquisition knowledge, strategies, and practices are straight forward and beneficial for all kids no matter what grade. Other than that, I knew nothing about grades 1-5.

If this disconnect weren’t bad enough, the position of ESL teacher in my school district does not teach English Language Development (ELD). The elementary ESL teacher is to teach reading and is given the newcomers and lowest leveled English proficient students, and even some native English speakers. So, I began. The first lesson for my students was the letter S, memorizing five sight words, and going over a story about a snake with words none of the kids knew. With that as my introduction to the elementary world, my inner ESL teacher came out. I drew pictures, scaffolded the story, and explained what the sight words meant and how to use them. I thought I was doing a good job. This turned out not to be the case, as I was written up and put on a professional growth plan.

Just when I did not think things could get worse, they did. I thought that I could have a frank, sincere conversation with my administration. I expressed my concern about the elementary students only being taught the mechanics of reading. The kids could parrot read phenomenally. They know how to sound anything out and read aloud beautifully. But they understood nothing they read. And, teachers, knowing the importance of checking for understanding, asked the kids if they understood the material. Being good ESL kids, they always smiled and nodded their heads. Great! Lesson taught. Material covered. Check that off the list.

I continued sharing what I had seen for 23 years of working at the high school. All of these kids moved from grade to grade, passing their classes. When they got to high school, these low language kids who could read beautifully, filled the lowest level class of every content area – Language Arts, Social Studies, Math, and Science. They lacked grade level content vocabulary and academic vocabulary. They had no background knowledge. Some of these kids had begun in kindergarten or lower elementary grades in our district. They should have had at least a working knowledge level of material that had been covered in their classes on the way to high school. That knowledge level has been spotty and basic at best. These students are destined to be in basic level high school classes to graduation, if they make it that far. If they choose to continue on to our community college, most cannot function in the 100-level classes. These second language learners have to pay for the pre-college level classes to learn what they need before being able to take classes to earn credits toward an Associate’s Degree or classes that transfer to four-year universities. They now have to pay for education they should have received in the public school system.

I presented my concern for the current instructional framework for elementary students. I truly believed that sharing my position on the need to approach English Language Development (ELD) was sound. I followed everything I had studied in my Master’s program and had practiced in my instruction after my feeble start. In my classroom as a new “reading/ESL teacher”, I spoke slowly. We used manipulatives when possible. I spent serious time on vocabulary building in English, with pictures, and in Spanish. I worked on learning about my students and supplementing what they brought with them in terms of experience to strengthen their background knowledge. Repetition and comprehensible input and meeting the learner where s/he was and moving him/her to the goal are basic elements of good instruction- that is instruction for all students and not just ELs. I truly believed that a constructive discussion would ensue and we could, possibly, have some kind of compromise. I was not prepared for the response from the administrators:

“It sounds like you have a different philosophy than our district. Maybe you need to find a district that has the same philosophy you do. You are to follow the reading program as it is and get to the same unit as the other ESL teachers in the district. If you don’t, you will be responsible for these students to be set up for failure the rest of their school lives.”

I was in shock. Nothing could have prepared me for this rebuke. I don’t think I have or will ever fully recover from that in my professional career because I have been dedicated, ingrained and fully invested in the training and care of my ESL students from the very beginning of my career.